All your lovers' revenge.
Sunday, August 8, 2010 @ 11:23 PM
Music plays a big part in creating feelings in me. It's scary how it works. When i went on secluding myself away from my laptop and Mp3(i was lazy to charge) for a week i totally became a numbskull man. No feelings. When i started listening back to A.R.R everything came back. Btw Madarasapattinam songs are haunting. Like what sha said. It's really haunting! God. It's so nice i'm officially scared to listen to the BGM. My heart sinks everytime i do.
I don't know where things are going. But i know, all is well :) I'm going to leave everything in His hands!
I know i'm not supposed to be distracted but i couldn't suppress this for long. So i gave in in the end. I wonder where that's gonna head me to.
Love
Sunday, July 4, 2010 @ 9:26 PM
I wanted to blog about this bigtime confusion i was having. But it all just vanished today morning. Not that it was settled but i realised it's so trivial compared to so many other things in my life. My friends. My family. My ARR'S MUSIC! Nothing can get me down as long as i have these three. And i know i will have them till i die! I suddenly feel so loved now. Words don't need to define friendship. I've lost touch with so many people especially after leaving Swiss but whenever i come in contact with them, wah reminiscing the memories gives so much of warmth. You people rock. Every single one in my life. (: Thanks for creating for me what i call my lovely gay life today (: No matter how often all of us talk, we know for each other that the presence is always there! Let's just strive on and accomplish whatever we're supposed to do in life right now. I love all of you!
Sha's status was this: "All my life I had a choice between hate and love. I chose love and I'm here.. Ella pugazhum iraivanukkea - A.R.Rahman" When he won the Oscars for Slumdog Millionaire. That line is just priceless.
Waiter's realm.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010 @ 7:22 PM
If only that clock was for real. Lol.
Okay i'm back to blogging. I was too lazy to type all this while but i realised i actually miss blogging. There were so many times when i could just post and post and post and sit down staring at my blog for the entire day. Hahahaha. I miss being bored. I should slap myself if i ever complain in my life for having nothing to do but going out, sleeping, watching tv, using the computer and eating. That. Feeling. Is. Such. A. Blessing. You will know what i mean if you ever have something called Alevels in the later part of your year. But after that i can enjoy my darling blessing for 8 months. Hahahah
I've been pushing aside everything i consider as my life to the far front of the timeline. But i wonder if i can get back my life even when i reach to them eventually. Or are current priorities just an excuse for the miseries now. Lol.
I've been reading this everywhere. I think everyone feels the same. Life often runs on the fear that we'll never be the same again. That we've lived it and lost it. I have the same thought. Not that i've experienced everything in the world, but i've gotten my bits of tremondous joy in my life too. I mean i have to admit they were purely imperfect and superficial. Hahahah. But the blankness now just scares me if i've lived it and lost it.
I think time has to answer. To an extent i know what's gonna fall in front of me. It's the way i respond and move on. Things cannot be perfect but they can be made to seem perfect through the right responses. I think that's the only motivation for life.
Another huge motivation for life is music. :D A.R.R! He's going on a world tour i think. Going UK next. I HOPE HE COMES TO SINGAPORE, AFTER MY ALEVELS. That's it i'm gonna hog onto the phone with sistic and grab their first ticket :D
We all believe that waiting through hells now would bring some sunlight in the future. I wanna get back the feeling again. That feeling that waiting all this while was worth it.
Ha.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010 @ 12:36 AM
"Insincerity is like mental prostitution."
AJTL daaaamn jang!
Monday, April 5, 2010 @ 3:40 AM
Presentingggggg, ANDERSON JUNIOR COLLEGE'S TLDDS who just succeeded in producing an awesomeeee Agni! WOOOO! We're the only people with our own tune, own style and own language. Cos we daaaaaaaaaaamn the jang :D
Agni was the best experience in my life! Every moment was awesome. Despite all the problems which came in our way we still ended off the show with a bang (: Working with my people in TL was the best thing i can ever get in my life. For the past three months, we went through loads of shit but going through it together was the best part. Now everything's sooo empty for everyone ): We all miss Agni but i bet nobody can ever forget this event! It's awesome how we all got close within such a short period of time (: AJTL ALLLLLLLL THE WAY!
Ahhh okay now Arangam. All the best to us!
I'm happy i did that for the past few weeks. I'll continue doing that since it has been yielding good results. It's not a one person thing and neither is it a one-in-a-lifetime thing. If i'm off, i'm off. I don't what reason even makes me think of it again but i know i can never be happy if i ever choose it. Only that can cause me anger, disgust, suspicion, and frustration to such an extent that i am not even myself. So i obviously have all the reasons in the world to continue doing what i'm doing now.
That gradual effect isn't there anymore in my life. Everything shoots up sharp and is short-lived. That's something that i should be worrying about. Maybe its only for now. Hopefully. I don't think i should force things to be gradual though i think i'll give in to it any moment and start doing so. It's worth a thought. A lot of thoughts. I hate this on and off effect.
Okay in all everything will be awesome iffff i'm a NUMBSKULL!
Inner turmoil of a numbskull
Friday, February 5, 2010 @ 11:41 PM
That's not a furball. I thought it was. LOL. Okay yes my bubble burst. I know i shouldn't have but i think i just screwed it all up. I should be more clear and cautious of what i do next time. Though beyond an extent i couldn't really control the situation anymore. I don't know how to make this alright also. Lol. I think i should just forget about it.
Though i hate my life this year i'm tremendously thankful to all the heaps of workload for keeping me too occupied during schooldays. I wake up, go to school, come back, eat and sleep. And i'm too tired and sleepy to care about anything else. Lol. That way things slip off my mind very easily. \
I see hell loads of work ahead with Agni coming. And i have to start doing those work like in a minute or so lol so i shall stop blogging also. I don't really have anything to blog about too -.-
I think to a large extent it's really in my hands of how i can change my life to the better. And it's up to me to allow myself to feel certain feelings and not to feel some others. I'll go on that and do something about everything.
Good balance.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010 @ 4:50 AM
JANA
Please!
Even if i die this moment, IT'S OKAY!
Saturday, January 23, 2010 @ 2:14 AM
School's been draining. I don't wanna blog about school. Cos despite all the pain and drain there's still my pocket of sunshine following me around! Hahaha. Whenever there is a reason for me to frown, i stop and think, and realise i have a better reason for me to grin. And that reason is increasing. I'm reaaaallly happy because of that (:
No matter how terrible the situation is, i'll still hang in there and wait for my bursts of joy to appear!
I call you miracle for a reason. Used to be just one reason. But over time, it has built up to a whole list of reasons (: You make me believe that waiting is worth it. Thank you!
It's gonna be an awesome school year (:
Saturday, January 9, 2010 @ 11:18 PM
And these are what i'm gonna do this year. Along with mugging for Alevels. It's gonna be an awesome school year!And that wasn't the last. The recent last was the best. (: And that'll spur me on for the year!
School
Friday, January 8, 2010 @ 3:38 AM
Kay see that. Ya. I'm a stone from now on. Lol! And i'm lifeless. CCA, and Alevels are the only things in front of me.
Okay la i won't stick to my words for long. Lol i need recreation too. I need to meet up with a lot of my buds soon. My dinos who are holding my verrryyyy gay present. My Deybros! It's been heavens and hells since i saw them. I don't wanna grow up without them. Like what Dhugu said. ): And many many others. 2010 won't be a boring year of academics kay. I can't let my 18th year go to waste. It's not gonna be a sad, solemn, irritating, wasted, nothing-but-work, sleepless, boring year. We'll make it happen! Even if all else fails Agni will keep me alive till April!
Farewell was good. Dance was awesome :D Video's on facebook! Next up is Open house, CNY, CCA orientation AND AGNIIIII! Woooohoo. Can't wait man. Agni will be a blast!!
Okay then it's time to mug. But still i need to be a stone in responding to many other matters this year. Hopefully i succeed. I hope i don't get affected by all dooms awaiting me once school reopens.
On the bright side, after these stinking 11 months, imagine my life. I can soooooo see all my Post-Alevel plans coming true. Hehe. >:) CAN'T WAIT! HECK EVERYTHING ELSE, DECEMBER 2010, I'M COMINGGGGGG!
Butttttt, was that the last one? I hope not lei. I can't afford to close it that way! Please let me be lucky! Lucky enough for another one before it's too late. :(
No more confusion
Monday, January 4, 2010 @ 7:31 AM
You came into my life
And I thought hey
You know this could be something
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing
'Cause maybe it's true, that I can't live without you
Well maybe two is better than one
There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two, is better than one
I remember every look upon your face,
The way you roll your eyes, the way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everythings okay
And finally now, believing
And maybe it's true, that I can't live without you
Well maybe two is better than one
There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two, is better than one
Yeah, yeah
I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life
And I thought hey
Maybe it's true, that I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking
Oooh I can't live without you
'Cause baby two is better than one
There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life
And I've figured out with all that's said and done
Two, is better than one
New Year!
Thursday, December 31, 2009 @ 7:40 PM
Kay i know i said i'll be back with more pictures and stuff but since my awesome, lovely, adorable VIEWTY has its battery spoilt, i'm using a emptybox (dappi) olddddd Nokia now which doesn't have a camera. SOOOO i apologise for the lack of pictures! Facebook has many though, due to the kind help of my camwhore buds! LOL
OKAY awesome it's 2010. I was online counting down with peeps as usual and once it was 2010 me and Anna shared the same comment that we're feeling dread. Gaaah. Can't wait for the same day next year. But happiness doesn't come without going through all the shitful misery first yeah. About 340 days of torture to get 8 months of peaceful holidays. It'll be worth it!
But on the other hand the 340 days won't be that painful after all. There's a loooot of hardwork and effort required. Both for academics and CCA. Agni and Alevels. But hopefully the end results are something pleasant to see. It's my final year of schooling anyway. After that is all adulthood and university. Lol. Kay lets see how 2010 goes. We can all make it an awesome one :D
TIME FLIES. I still remember counting down for the new millennium, 2000, when i was in like p2. LOL. Okay that seems far but still a decade flew past so fast! I remember when i was in primary school i was counting down 6 years to get out of it. In swiss i was counting down 4 years to get out of it. Now in AJC i'm counting my breath out for the 2 years to end. Time flies.
2009 was awesome, yet sucky and horrible. I experienced all kinds of shit and all kinds of fun. Come to think of it i've always been thinking of all the shit that happened that i never did appreciate the very nice things that happened in 2009. Even till now the negativity overpowers the good stuff. Hahaha. Whenever someone asks i say 2009 was a baaaaaaad year. But actually it was awesome. AJC sucks but i met soooo many nice people and i got an awesome CCA that saves me from every misery in school (: Mugging like a nerd sucks but that's what brought so many of us closer together. And sooo much drama happened but it's only through that i learnt a lot of stuff. And made new, good friends as well! 2009 was also the year when i thought i'll lose touch with alll my Swiss mates but we stuck by each other through thick and thin (: At least popped up to say Hi and update each other about our lives. Having allllll of you, swiss, ajc, etc, every single of you buds around me through it all was the biggest blessing i had in 2009 :)
And another thing is that i met two miracles this year! One is Tharshini (same birthday, we have the same incidents happening in our lives) and another is miracle ♥ HAHAHA and every single bud i met in 2009 is a miracle in my life too! With those that already existed (: I won't forget you guys for all the eternities to come!
Okay now into 2010. My year starts off with Farewell Party for AJTL seniors tomorrow! Me and Sha are gonna run nuts! Hahaha hope everything ends up fine yeah :D THE NEXT TIME I WILL REALLY BLOG WITH MORE PICS! Pictures of Farewell at least! Off to do the settle the work before tomorrow rises! HAPPY 2010 EVERYONE! WE'LL MAKE THIS YEAR AN AWESOME ONE! JIAYOUUUUUUUUUU :D
Time's heaven, secret sunshine.
Monday, December 14, 2009 @ 6:55 AM
Hahaha, yeap. The time is coming soon. As fast as that.
I hope i learn more patience and don't take abrupt decisions anymore. Now, what i have in mind is nothing immediate. I'm gonna laaaag for some months now. And stay open and empty. I thought suspense kills. But anxiety kills even more.
And i hope i take things as they come from now onwards. And not reach out to too many unnecessary things that get me out of where i'm supposed to be going. Too much of anything, is just too much. What i've been given is more than enough to last me happy for an eternity. (:
Okay boring post. I don't know what i'm talking half the time. I'll come back with more pics and a more interesting post.
Time will answer everything.
Cycle broken. Confusion emerged.
Saturday, December 5, 2009 @ 1:38 AM
One of my friend's personal message was, "All your Lovers' revenge". In a way, it's true.
That aside, kill me for saying i have boring holidays in my previous post. I have the most power-packed holidays ever. -.- I had a looong week of dancing and doing stuff everyday from sunrise till sunset. I had SL for two days. A two day, day camp for kids at this childcare centre. They were from 5-12. I fell in love with a small malay boy who kept smiling at me. 6 years old only. Damnnnn cute. I still remember when that little boy held my hands! Lol! Can't match up to anything else!
Then for the rest of the days we had dance dance and dance. We finished choreographing. Okay at least 9/10 done. Only some bits to piece together and everything will be ready for polishing. Next week it's time to settle the admin matters for the farewell. Me and Sha have a looot of headaches coming up. Have to plan everything out nicely. December is soooo important right now. I can't even think of touching homework with all these around. Duty first. I have to find time for academics. At least to finish up my important work.
Ah okay i'm back to my old confusion. I need to get things clear in my head. And not mix everything up like this. Now i need to decide if i should follow my old decision, pick up a new one, or drop both them. Lol. The third one is so tempting. But i don't have enough self control to do that. Waiting for everything to fall into place by itself is the best option still.
Break the cycle.
Saturday, November 28, 2009 @ 4:02 AM
Okay i don't know why i'm blogging. Damn bored. I have nothing much to blog about lol. Holidays are super boring. CCA, random lessons, sleep, eat, online. Urgh. I need more outings. Though i've been going out quite a lot recently still doesn't feel like holidays!Forgive and forget. It'll pay off one day.
If i don't blog out now..
Thursday, November 19, 2009 @ 1:33 AM
..this would happen. Lol. I wonder what happened to me this year. I mean not to say i was ever calm and serene but i need more discipline. A lot more of it. It's not enough to not show out your negative feelings. More like you should know how to control it within yourself that it doesn't even affect how you feel. Sounds impossible but isn't that the only way out?
Hmm. I should have never had hope in the first place to lose it now. That makes sense. Everything's sucky when things depend on something else and when vulnerability kicks in. Not to say it's because of ego but it's a shit, worthless feeling.
I blogged that the last time and saved it as drafts. Had no mood to continue. But now i feel like blogging! Hahaha. I felt like shit today too. Even just now. Even till now actually. I don't like to be thrown away just like that. I don't expect things in return but i expect appreciation for what i do out of initiative. That's the basic right? I mean if i don't get it i can't do anything much also. So i'll shut up. Lol.
I was talking to my mother after a long time. She talked till she cried and i talked till i cried too. And we both decided, the only thing we can ask now is Patience, to hold on there. It's not as though we're in some big crisis or something. But both of us have our own problems.
She went to India recently and just came like 2 days ago. She went to my prayers place there with my brother. And she brought back a lot of stories to tell me. I've been to the place before. It's gorgeous. Somewhere in North India. It's super peaceful, and clean. People there are just awesome. I can't explain everything in words here. It's something i felt.
And during prayers they tell a lot of stories to make people understand. My mother told me some and i'll share them here. This mega fighter called Alexander (i've not heard of him so i don't know the full name) fought all his life and conquered a lot of land and money. But before he died he asked the people to put him in a coffin with both hands sticking out. You know why? To show everyone that no matter what he acquired while he lived, he couldn't bring back anything above.
Another story was that this king told this guy, "I will give you all the land that you manage to cover by running on it" or something. Pardon my phrasing. And that guy ran and ran and ran till he fell down and died. He covered so much. But what did he bring back?
I don't know. Such things say a lot but we still fall back to our same old greedy selves. But it's really worth thinking about. And another thing she said was that Karma will get you hard, no matter where you go. No matter how many births you take.
There's this story whereby there was this guy, his younger brother, and his wife were living in the same house. Then it seems that the guy had lost two fingers when he was doing a chore or something. The younger brother was not really attached very spiritually but suddenly he got onto a path and focussed till he felt grace. The guy was on a path since he was young and he felt that he never felt any grace. The reason was because these brothers were actually husband and wife in their previous birth. The guy was the husband and the brother was his wife. It seems that then, the wife was on a path and the husband was a free-thinker. That path the wife had was what brought him the grace when he was born as the brother. And that was why the guy had put in so much effort since young and yet did not felt grace in this birth. And this guy lost his two fingers because in his previous birth he forced his wife to do a lot of chores for him and he beat her even when she did do the stuff. That karma made him lose his fingers.
And that is how precise and impactful Karma is. It gets you back in the same way, with the same pain you had inflicted on that person. When i get it from people nowadays i can only think that i've done it to them before. That's why i'm getting it back. And i've been thinking how much i will get back in the future if i do anything to others now. Let this be a reason why we should treat everyone with patience and kindness despite what they've done to us. And let us just ask for patience from Him. He's the only one who'll be with us to pull through any obstacle that we face. And the only thing we can do to payback is to love him with sincerity.
So let me end the post with a picture that i should have started out with. I don't have anymore anger nor frustration. Let things happen as they want to. I'll leave everything in His hands and things will fall into place when the time comes.
Life's pretty and gay with sunshine as usual (:
Heartbroken
Saturday, November 14, 2009 @ 8:29 AM
I wanna be that purple and gay person again! Boo. Okay it's awkward. Big time. There are some things that should affect me and some things that shouldn't. This shouldn't. Not at all. But seeing you heartbroken breaks my heart too! ): Aw though there's a lot of other happy happening things happening in other areas i still feel it for you. Hope you recover soon. I had almost the same plight not long ago. The sun will come out soon and eat up the dark clouds! No worries!
Heyyy and this shouldn't affect me. My view stands still. You're still my miracle. You'll always be. Despite of whether you continue to cling on or get over it. I'll still try to help around!
Miracles do happen!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009 @ 7:23 AM
Aw okay PW is like finally ovveeerrr! Yay! I screwed my q&a for OP but it's alright, done is done. I'm free from all those shit PW work for life. That's superduper awesome! Yay! Now i can finally kickstart my holiday plans!
Maybe i think too much. I relaxed a bit and thought about it. Actually, no, the consequences still look as harmful if i stay calm and think as well. Hmm. I can't do anything about it now, neither can i wait until it's too late. But that doesn't mean i cannot do anything at all now. Nobody's gonna understand this. Despite the horrible consequences on the personal basis, i think embarking on the right thing to do now is most important. Though it's gonna cause a mishap, it's beneficial in the long run. You'll know it one day and you'll appreciate it.
And miracles do happen. They happen when you think your life has lost every single bit of hope. They happen to remind you to have hope, cos nothing is ever as miserable as you think it is. And miracles are packaged in many different forms. I like my miracle. I like how it suddenly dropped into my life. Though it isn't so magical and attractive, it's still my little miracle. And i don't expect anything from my miracle anymore. The presence would brighten up my life from now on. I've learnt that. (:
I sound like a confused gay in my post BUT only i will know what i really mean above. So have fun getting irritated! Lol!
A gift from above!
Monday, November 2, 2009 @ 7:19 AM
Aw something just happened in my life. Long-awaited misery answered. There's existance. So exciting. I was and am still super fascinated. But i was rather numb when the whole thing happened so i'm wondering if that's for the bad or not. Maybe it was just mere coincidence and i'm exaggerating so much. But but but i tend to fall thinking otherwise. It's so perfect to be true! Okay it seemed perfect when it first happened. Soon the feeling sinked in and as i started feeling more i felt the imperfections sprouting up too. Eeeeh but everything's too fast to be good. I'll listen to pebby and give it a rest and more time. A month or so maybe. Let things rest down first.
Ahhhhh i'm sleepy. And my head hurts. My forehead's a reservoir of pimples now. And one just burst. Owwwww. I know its gross, but tell me who hasn't encountered such a thing -.-
OP's next tuesday, 10th of Novemburrrr. Sian.
Okay i should give it a rest. Hocus pocus focus. Ceteris Paribus. Maybe no that might just be an assumption. Though all other things cannot be possibly constant they can stay stagnant. I'll look into what i need to do in my life right now, all other things can wait. Can wait and should wait. Ergghh i don't know what i'm talking. Sleepy till mabok. Nights world.
I fail now because of every success i couldn't appreciate before.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009 @ 4:29 AM
And as soon as i realise it's not right for me to be in, i fall back in again. I don't know what's wrong with me. I need someone to slap me into reality. Sha's the right person. Whenever i talk about this i'll get scolded. Lol. If i do anything further i think she'll scream at me and scold me left, right, up, down.
And i need someone to wake me up everyday. -.- today morning three people woke me up and i had 9 alarms BUT i still overslept. I'm a freaking swine. I need to devise a way to wake up every morning. Maybe set secret alarms around my house. Ahhhh mummy faster come back. Without you i am nothing! No peace, no company, no food, no laughter at home, no one to pour my feelings out at home, no one to crap with at home! Daddy comes home late and i don't dare complain to him about my life! All i can get is CWO! T.T
I need to stay focused. I want someone to scare me till my death if i break this promise i'm making myself today. I'm not gonna say what is it here. But i need to stick to it, till the time period ends. If i break it, i'm gonna label myself irresponsible, and indisciplined and become an emo freak, though the possible decision i would be taking to break the promise should be doing me good and bringing me happiness. Lol. No. I shouldn't do what i want to do. I should do what is the right thing to do. What i want to do only gives me short-lived happiness for now. And that translates to long-lived sadness later. If i suffer and endure now, later i can be relieved at least, and have some peace, even if i'm not exactly happy. No more drama in my life. There are some things i need to achieve before stepping into the next phase. I'll do them, and till then, no elements in my life that the next phase contains would be serious. If they exist, they will exist as mere entertainment, to bring me out of reality for a while. Lol, i know nobody's going to understand this chunk. I understand can already :x
Depressing
Saturday, October 24, 2009 @ 4:31 AM
Ahhh. Depressing. Really. Everyone's torn. Its hard to see each other's faces in school. All i can say is we'll be here for you guys. Please don't break down, it breaks us down too. Enough of all the crying. We're still one TL. And everyone will be back together for Agni. We'll make it happen, no matter what. This is the time to think through about everything and make a good decision. Take care guys, please.
Yet again, for the past few days i've been wanting to blog out everything but stopped myself from doing so. I don't know whats happening. We're all helpless. I typed something and deleted it. I think it's a known fact to all my schoolmates. I think what's happening this year is utterly ridiculous. Last year 4 got expelled. This year, 58. I don't know what to say seriously.
I have nothing else to blog about. Good things are happening in my life but the sorrow is sinking in. I cannot be happy when my loved ones are broken. All those taking retest, please mug hard.
Today i went to Dhurga's house with Yams. Watched a movie and ate alot. Left. Dhurga, don't be upset. I hope you cheer up soon. The fault doesn't lie in you, so there's no need to be affected because of someone else's immature and bitch attitude.
I lost my mood to blog. I have nothing to say. I hope the school gets thrashed on the papers.
It's raining inside my nose
Saturday, October 17, 2009 @ 10:37 PM
Urggghhhhh i'm having a baaad flu. My nose is constantly drooling and i can't breathe properly at night -.- But i slept for 12 hours. Nono 13 hours straight. Damn shiok. So long since i did this.
And i dreamt of me having cancer. And that i would die in a day. But i didnt. And i was living every day thinking that i'll die any moment. Horrible life! With inbuilt fear of the pain of death! Lol! And i dreamt of other stuff too but i forgot. But i seriously think god's trying to tell me something. Perhaps to live my life to its fullest. Cos i'm spending my days in sloth. The only thing i do is PW. Okay i haven really started on that yet.
Actually no i didnt spend all my days to slack. Till Friday i was happily going out. Saturday, Deepavali, i was slacking. And today i'm going out with Tressa to do PW -.- But one day of sloth yesterday felt like a million years. Maybe thats why. Lazing around is damnnn boring sometimes BUT it's definitely much better than mugging!
Okay maybe the dream wants me to stop slacking before i get too much into it. OR maybe it doesnt even mean anything. LOL. But okay i shall try my best to not find a day to sit at home in front of my laptop for the whole day and eventually fall asleep on it. Sorry for turning down alot of plans guys. Especially Dhurga and Yams. Lol. Everyday after school this week i'll probably be free to go out so i'll meet up with those who called me out!
Gosh life's a big fat irony. Things we want to happen never happen until there's a point when we give up on them and move away. THEN they will start to happen. Then if you go back and accept it again, they will stop happening. Gosh! Thats why i don't dare to do anything now! I should just remain idle to maintain everything. Though this is not the arrangement i wanted. I'm scared if i move then everything will shift to become even more unfavourable. Boooomzzzzzz.
I really really really hate it when people are insincere. Because i am sincere in what i say! I don't go saying the same things to everyone. I only say it when i mean it. But you don't do that. It's sad that i just realised it. Now i regret even considering to do that. Lucky i didnt. Or else i'll kill myself now. I should be more careful. As easily as i build the trust in people, they break it. And when they realise it, it's too late. Yet again this is about something that none of you would think of, so don't jump to conclusions. As much as you don't need me now, i don't need you either.
I feel soooo cheated! Tsk.
Happy Deepavali!
Friday, October 16, 2009 @ 10:11 PM
Happy Deepavali to everyone!
Haha this year i'm having a simple holiday with my dear cousins coming over to my house. And with a lot of work to do! So not much updates on Deepavali. The only awesome thing is the food! Since my mother's overseas, my aunts cooked and brought over for me! Hahaha so sweet. I'll savour them later!
Over the past few days i really wanted to blog but didn't have the time to. Farewell assembly was a major cock up. The music was terrible seriously. Super soft and a lot of echoes. The AV team is made up of a bunch of traitors. They reassured us so much and see what happened in the end. Grr. And there were other mistakes made by us also. It wasn't our best at all. Not even 60%. During our practices we were much better! Ahhh. Okay let me stop talking about this.
After school the Jang Dancers (HAHA) went to watch Phobia2! Okay Anna and Mira were hugging my hand on both sides and were screaming till i started screaming too. Initially i was laughing at them screaming. End up i was screaming more than them. LOL. Damn funny. The movie has like 5 mini stories. The first one was not that scary. The third and fourth one freaked me out. The fifth one was a super big comedy seriously. Damn funny. It was meant to be funny. Hahaha.
Oh my yes they gave back Chemistry Paper on Friday too. Disappointing. I don't understand why must they give before Deepavali when it's indicated on the schedule that they'll only return next week. Ruin our Deepavali -.-
And i'm falling sick. After a long long long time i caught a really bad flu. Hahaha. Feels sucky. I hate my sore throat! The feeling is sucky!
Over the few days this week i really changed a lot of perspectives i had on people. I realised honey words never last. If it's sincere it still won't last. If it's not sincere it might last, but it won't be sincere to you only. I don't think anyone would understand this so please don't jump to the wrong conclusions. What i'm talking about is about something that none of you will think of. And i realised true attraction doesn't come upon interest from the other side. It comes upon rebellion. Hahaha. I know. I'm making no sense.
Friday was the last day i'll ever see you! Hahaha. Jiayou for Alevels! And till now i've liked one thing about you. Perseverance. I hope you won't give up and succeed in that one day. Hahaha jy!
Vomit
Wednesday, October 14, 2009 @ 8:41 AM
Yes my heart needs to see that light. I really need to hold on now. I went to Facebook and this particular application always answers my misery.Niranjana got a message that on this day, God wants her to know...
...
that how bad things may look right now means nothing, - it's how good they
can
be with God's help that counts.
In life you can absolutely count on
o...ne thing, - everything can turn
around in one day, in one minute
sometimes. Don't you dare to give up, - you
might be a moment away from a
windfall.
I swear this application has always answered me. Farewell Assembly is on Friday. I might have to leave early from CDP tomorrow to go for the final practice. And later i have to practice the dance. Just now we had a practice from 8pm to 10pm. Ahhhh. Alot of last minute rush! It's getting really scary. But i'll follow what i've been told to do. I won't give up. Just a while more. Just more effort. It'll end on Friday. I really hope we put up a great show!
And that light isn't enough. I need to stop misleading myself. I need to stop lying to myself. If i'm brave enough to say i'll stay without it, then i better be brave enough to carry it out. It's really getting pointless to find a distraction to forget one thing. I mean it's a vicious cycle! I'm cheating myself. It sucks. Especially if the distraction troubles you more than the original thing. Because the distraction is so urgh. Misleading. To. Everyone. Lucky i didnt do that. Lucky. If i did i'll be regretting my decision now. Though it seemed so right 2 days ago. I think whenever i wanna take a drastic decision i should wait for 2 days and see if i still feel the same way or not. Helps alot in making correct moves.
Now. I won't fall back into the same trap. I won't fall into a new one. I wanna stay away from all this shit! No distractions. Just no more of it. Please. Gosh.
I tell you frustration kills. It kills your heart. Cos you're angry, fucked up, dazed, and can't stop thinking of all the shit that you don't wanna think of.
And all of you are the same. From a distance everything is awesome. Only when you go closer you see the truth. How can you even think of doing that to everyone? Doesn't it bug you? At all?
Confused
Sunday, October 11, 2009 @ 3:33 AM
Okay that picture has no significance to what i'm about to blog now. Just wanted a Lomo up. Hahah speaking of thaaaat.... My HOLGA is on it's way! I'm gonna buy it this week.Okay i confess to you my blog. I'm confused. Not that anything happened. But thinking makes me confused. I don't know what i want for myself now. Only if i know i can go on it's way to face a success or failure in it right. I don't even know what i want! And i am starting to dislike to sit on the fence! Today morning i just blogged saying ambitiously that i'm gonna just stay like that and yak yak but i don't listen to myself often so yeah this is the result. CONFUSION and alot of restlessness!
Okay i just don't know if i'm doing the right thing. I don't really get an answer when i talk to others. That's my problem. People can be positive about it but i can't! I mean i can but not for long. It's something that people will say "Ya just do it" because of situations but i can't just do it! I mean on the long run effects are different. And it's sooo not a one person thing! I mean even if i decide to do it, its not assured that i'll see success. And no i'm not gonna think about failing cos i had enough.
But honestly, after today ends, for the rest of the week i'll be caught up with stuff so i won't really think about this. As usual, like normal school days, i'll throw this idea out of my mind. But it'll come back soon and i need to answer myself. I wanna decide on something and stay firm.
On the other hand, i already know what's supposed to be my decision. I mean, the right thing to do. It's obvious. Beyond obvious. Despite what people say, for the long run, (i know, this is not an economics essay) the decision i take is staring infront of my eyes. But my stupid mind refuses to abide. It's had to stay disciplined, i admit. Though there's a high possibility of me regretting this if i choose not to abide. Mind's a monkey. I don't know where to find an incentive to urge control.
In conclusion (really like an econs essay leh! the structure. argument - counter argument - evaluation. Hoho but i'm still gonna fail econs.) i think time answers everything. I should patiently wait for the sky to drop on my head. Yeap? Nope. For me to get an answer. Cos i would get it by say the end of next year.
BUT (i have a rebuttal to my evaluation. I suck.) I am a super impatient brat. What am i to do in the meantime! I have to whip up something right! Okay i will. Maybe something not related to my confusion. Maybe something else to preoccupy my time. Something as good, something distracting, but something more occupying. Yeah. Now all i have to do is to divert my deep thinking into finding this something to distract me. Mission 101 started. Let's see how it goes. I have a bad feeling i'm gonna blog about how i fell back into my initial confusion again, in my next post. Wait and see. -.- Tomorrow there's school again, grr. Bye bloggy!
Ooh ooh on a random note, i like Piya Piya song from Ninaithale Inikkum. Just watched that movie. PrithiV is hotness and cuteness :x
Raathiri nee kanmuzhicha natchathiram down down! Hahaha <3 I'm still as dreamy as today morning! I should stay that way. One day i'll end up fine. I'll have hope:)
(Portion was added later. I don't wanna create a new post.) Oh my gosh. For the amount i'm giving in i ought to be killed. But i really can't help it. Egoooo, where are you ): I got back what i gave but i'm being a sensitive mut as usual! Ahhh. Cmon cmon. I hate this. Only when something goes away from me i'll be attracted to go towards it! That sucks.
Post-promos!
Saturday, October 10, 2009 @ 9:18 PM
Okay that picture is so cute and so marks my freedom now.Promotional Examinations are finally over!
I would have blogged on Thursday itself! But i thought i should change my blogskin. Saw alot. Editted alot. But nothing was like what i'm having now. I know this is no big thing but i like the simplicity! So decided to go with this till the end of this year.Gosh after Promos ended i had alot of things chasing me! After the Math paper i went Deepavali shopping with my mother. Then came back and Friday i spent the whole day with Dhurga. Yesterday, Saturday, was Dhurga's birthday! And her brother's 21st birthdayparty. I couldn't go cos i went to Ngee Ann Poly ICS's Jeevagaanam! Praveen you so rocked the show! Hahaha congrats! I had loads of fun with my buds and had a great time watching the show! Saw alot of familiar faces too!
Ahhhh i had a great break after the exams. Today i think i'm going out with Dhurga again. Life's good. But this Friday is Farewell Assembly and we've got to practice our dance like siao this week. Hopppee it ends up good.
I need to upload more pictures to my blog! Now on i'm gonna take lots of pictures during my outings!
Ahhhhh okay. Life runs on irony. All i can say is, what goes around comes around. It will come around one day and it will remind you of the good/bad thing that you've done before to deserve it. It has always been happening to me. I've gotten back all the love i gave and all the hate i gave out too. I'm in no position to decide anything now. I'm sitting on the fence for alot of issues now, and i think its best to stay like this until there's a point where i have to decide. I don't wanna push out something drastic and regret. I'll leave everything in God's hands.
Okay now im gonna go on a movie spree till further notice of whether i'm going out or not. My final day before PW craze starts. I better enjoy myself!
One last post before promos!
Saturday, September 26, 2009 @ 9:30 AM
Okay i don't know how promos is gonna be. I don't know if i'm gonna retain. But that's highly possible. I don't really have hopes with myself now. I can't concentrate like last time. I start reading notes and my mind ponders everywhere else BUT the subject i'm on. I just wanna pass this time round.
Thaaats the negative part of the entire post. Hahaha my blog's so full of hate now. Look at the posts. Fuck here fuck there. Sooooo i'm here to spread love today!
Jiayou for promos guys. We rock. This goes out to all my friends. We'll get through together okay!
Life's been highly monotonous recently. But random moments of love are awesome. Like little little things that happen really show how much people stand up for me. And how much they mean to me. One of the best things is building relationships that never rust. If i cry now i have at least 10 people to turn to, who would listen to me and make me smile. It's the same for you too. Realising that makes you feel gifted (:
I can't wait for promos to end! I mean thats the only torture in front of me now. I'm gonna have my life after that i tell you. I need to enjoy my teenage years before it runs out.
I've been singing and singing and singing to my laptop since forever. Hahaha my heart feels so much lighter now. After a while i'm gonna go resume doing I&R. I really dislike the idea of doing PW when promos are here though.
Gosh have i ever said how much i love A.R.Rahman? His music makes magic in my life. It can change my mood in a jiffy. His music is seriously heaven. I so wanna go for his concert before i die!
Okay my true inspiration is my papa. I love him. Alot alot alot. I've never seen
someone so humble like him. He doesnt even tell me his achievements! I have to
like find it out! You're damn sweet daddy. I love you. Thank you for everything
you've done for me. Not that you're ever gonna find my blog and read it. But
here's a song that reminds me of you (: You're just like the dad on the song!
Alright i have nothing to blog. I'll come back with more interesting stuff after promos. Life will be much better than! I hope i get rid my scars by then too. No more regrets! LETS JIA YOUUUU!
Labels: I'll wait baby (:
FUCK YOU
Thursday, September 24, 2009 @ 8:50 AM
AND I REALLY MEAN THAT, FUCK YOU.
How insensitive can you ever get? Goodness. Seriously man, can you think before doing something. You're indirectly causing shit everywhere. Humph. I don't even wanna say anymore. I hope you realise it asap.
and FUCK MY LIFE. I HATE TO HAVE SOMETHING BREATHING DOWN MY NECK. AND AND TAGGING ALONG IN EVERY INSTANCE OF MY LIFE! Beyond a limit its damn irritating!
And i really hate it when i dont see what i reallyreallyreally expected. In this case I HATE TO HAVE A LIMIT! Gosh i really really really really am not myself now. I know im a stubborn brat but its really irritating! ):
I'm sleepy, in pain, frustrated, stressed and angry. That explains this post. Sorry world.
Arghhh
Thursday, September 17, 2009 @ 6:16 AM
Bloody hell fuck my life. I hate myself now. I'm a fucking stubborn brat. I can't get things my way, i get so fed up. I'm not talking about anything in particular here. Everything feels so messed up damnit. I hate this i hate this i hate this. My head hurts. I'm running nuts. I'm not myself. I don't know what happened. I can't wait till i fucking get some peace. Nobody caused this for me. I'm causing this for myself. Arghhhhhh.
This post was the last thing i ever wanted to blog in my life. What the fuck am i becoming.
Lovely
Sunday, September 13, 2009 @ 8:48 AM
I think i have friends who are such darlings. I can't think of a moment where i emo all alone. Every single time there's someone making me smile. You guys rock! Esp thanks to pebby! You're so sweet, sugar cries when it sees you! HAHA :x
I typed something out but deleted it. It made me think a lot though. I'll do good still. But am not gonna get myself depend on it like last time. Since i've learnt my lesson now.
Waaaaa.
@ 12:14 AM
I'm still sitting in my dreamland. My after-promo plans are sooo tempting! Gah i can't wait. 22 days more to promos. But 26 days for it to end! Gosh gosh gosh can't wait. All the outings, shopping and activities i'm planning to dooo! Ohmygoshhhhhhhh.
I'm gonna get a Holga the first thing promo ends. Gosh and i'm gonna learn photography. And i'm gonna learn how to play my guitar! And i can't wait till Agni preparations start:) Shopping is the main highlight though. I'm gonna save money from tomorrow onwards.
Ahhhhh then i'm gonna revamp my blog. It's too plain. I'm not a plain person! I need to fill this space with pictures! Loads of them! And thats exactly why i need my holga. I don't wanna put some random nice pictures i find on net. I wanna put pictures that i take of my people! And aadiperukku webpage comp taught me alot about Flash stuff. I'm gonna get a nice template, edit it and make it my new blogskin too. It's superduper cool! I caaaaaaaaanttt waittttttt.
I saw something just now. I wanted to do something about it. Thought that it was time i stop putting myself down and loosen up a bit, since i'm recovering already. Cos it's unfortunate that i'm still getting affected by that thing i saw. But i scrolled down abit and i saw something else. Then i got slapped into reality. I'm not the right person to do that now. Someone else should. I hope that person will do it soon too. (: Even though you lose something very dear to you, you'll still be relieved and happy enough to see it in good hands. I heard that in a movie long ago. Am experiencing it now. JY though (:
Omg today's such a nice day to go out. And i'm stuck at home. No mood to do work also. School starts tomorrow. I need to transform into a nerd!
LIBERATION!
Saturday, September 12, 2009 @ 6:25 AM
I know i'm a crazy nutcase who's been going into and out of trauma/depression often, but oh well, i think it's time to liberate myself. Why worry that it's over and dread reality so much. I'll sit in my dreamland and enjoy life! Well at least until promos ends, cos after promos, i'm really gonna have a life baby! I need to prepare my mind, heart and soul for next year cos my lovely jc will not let me go alive.
Okay dreamland rocks. Rockxers my boxers! I'm super crazy today. I wanna blog blog blog but i don't wanna blog too. Lazy type. But my main aim of blogging today was to show that i'm no emofreak okay! I'm notttttt emo. Though my previous posts are full of nonsense shit. I dont care. Janaaaaa is backkkkkkkk in action! I think i need to change my blog layout. Looks too empty.
I'm not going back into my crying phase again.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009 @ 6:38 AM
I've never been this angry with myself before. But i think what i'm feeling now is seriously nonsense. Doesn't make sense to me at all. I dont want to end up hating myself. I don't know how many times i've said that. I came out of the circle. I've been staying out of the circle. And i'll continue to stay out. One more time i get affected, i don't know what i'm going to do to myself. One fucking incident and i'm like cursed for life. Wtf. No. This is not gonna happen again.
Sorry about that. I've lost my mood to blog. I wanted to blog about alot of other stuff but forget about it. I only wanna say one thing now.
Tharshini, i love you alot, please cheer up soon! Things WILL fall into place soon okay. It's shit time for both of us. You know what i mean. Things will be alright soon okay. Don't lose hope. I love you, smile dear!
AJ TLDDS!
Saturday, September 5, 2009 @ 9:59 PM
ANDERSON TLDDS WON AADIPERUKKU! WOO! AND ALL OF US WHO PARTICIPATED EACH HAD A TROPHY TO TAKE BACK HOME! SWEET MAN. HARDWORK DOES PAY OFF IN THE END. WE WORKED TOGETHER AND WE ACHIEVED TOGETHER! WE ROCK! :D
வெற்றி நிச்சயம் இது வேத சத்தியம்!
Thanks ah.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009 @ 4:23 AM
I'm feeling depressed. Suits the weather. All gloomy. There's alot alot alot of things to do. I think i'm gonna screw up everything. I don't know how it's all gonna be done in the next few days. All i know is that my doom is waiting for me. And i am afraid i'm gonna disappoint people. This sucks.
I don't know but things i don't wanna think of keep on coming into my mind. I cannot question you or be angry with you for anything anymore. I don't have the rights to be. Who am i to you anymore. Nothing. I should maintain that status. I'll never step into the circle again, i gave my word and i'm keeping to it. Out of everything i just want to know something. But i know i'll never get my answer. How could you move on so fast when i'm stuck here? It makes me think about what i was to you all along. Insignificant. Means everything was fake? I don't know. I hope i don't think about this anymore.
My brother's making me feel damn bad. I don't want to explain anything here. I hope he doesn't mean whatever he's doing. I'm super disappointed.
I owe you a big sorry. Things never end up right between us two yea. I don't know why. But i'll catch up with you soon. You're someone whom i cannot lose as a friend. Thank you so much for always being there for me and always helping me out!
Okay my week officially starts tmr. I'm doomed.
I ought to be killed.
Thursday, August 27, 2009 @ 1:01 AM
I think i should stop making myself feel so disturbed! Ahh. But it's uncontrollable. I need my conscience to step out and control my every move and thought. I totally lost my self discipline lah. I can't even force myself to finish a tiny question nowadays -.- Gosh.
And i don't want to end up hating myself because of everything that has happened/is happening! That's my worst horror. I am not an emo freak. I am not an emo freak. I am not an emo freak. I am not an emo freak. Nooooo jana is not an emo freak.
Things are running the opposite way now. Sucks big time to be me. I'm counting my days and i'm seeing how long i take to recover. I can't wait till the day i say i'm totally unaffected. I don't know how long it's gonna take. But i will wait! One thing's for sure. Good things never last. And happiness is shortlived. Super super short. A blink and POOF.
Many many many thoughts are running on my mind now. Different feelings too. I'm vulnerable. I'm apathetic. I'm affected. I'm miserable. I'm strong. I know my priorities. I have my life. I need to wait for things to settle. I'm impatient. Thats exactly how i'm feeling now. Lol. I never knew such a thing could affect me till this extent. It has never happened to me. I wasn't traumatised for such a long period of time for anything else. That's exactly what's worrying me because this is so not me! I am not an emo freak!! I'm a happy go lucky idiot who doesn't really get bothered by such stuff. All the previous times i could just throw it off my mind and return back to normal in days. Look at me now! And it's super scary how i'm quietening down. Stoning was a good habit for me last time, now it's a total no-no!
Gosh but i have to make myself believe that this thing isn't affecting/gonna affect me. I'm affected by hmm school. Who can't be affected by AJC -.- Nobody and i really mean nobody except us actually feel guilty for falling asleep cos we didn't finish our work. Look at how much we're driven! And yet results are sucky thanks to the alien language papers. Gosh promos in a month or so and i'm still stuck with alot of other work to do! Hopefully by september holidays i'm free enough to start finishing up my tutorials!
Okay it's really great to have you my dear blog. Nobody listens to me like you do. <3
Enlightenment.
Sunday, August 23, 2009 @ 11:12 PM
Heh, i haven't forgot about you my dear holga. I'll get you soon. I'm currently
broke. I'll buy you after promos and engage in massive photo-taking! Yay!
Gosh and i read my past few posts. For once i think i had some substance but it's some freaky emo stuff. That's not me! Ahhh. I'll turn back to normal. Though the stars hate me right now, i CANNOT remain like this. I'm going nuts. Why am i shutting myself down when i can choose otherwise.
It's true that i said its easy to ask people to have hope. It's true that its hard to hang on. But if i make the effort at least i'll feel better. Besides whats there for me to be sad of. The sky didn't fall on my head and the whole world didn't come crashing on me. Everything is fine. Only when i think it's not fine, it won't be. I'm still as blessed as ever, compared to many others. I don't have a reason to frown. I have everything that i need. Why must i feel incomplete for something that i want? No, i'm not gonna fret anymore.
Even if i do lose my entire life i still have a reason to smile. You guys around me are awesome. Nobody ever let me sit down and stone peacefully. Even when i'm at home you guys made sure i'm alright. I'm not talking about any particular group of friends here. I mean everyone. Those who're super close to me, who knew what's wrong, and those who are not too. One way or another when you guys saw me dazed, you guys did make sure i smiled. My dragons, deybros, dinos, tl anjax, jc schoolmates, princess, prayers friends, family, other friends and all my other online friends who always respond to my emo posts by saying "I've never seen you type like that before". All of you are one reason why i should be back to normal.
And of course, god. I'm not very pious or anything. I do have my times where i forget to pray. But when i pray, i'm trying to make sure i am in sincere in what i say. Throughout all the times i've cried at home, i've cried infront of you. And once i sob out everything, i did feel much lighter, and it's because of you too. If i have so many people trying to console me, it's because you're making them do so. So many coincidences occur in my life till now to remind me of everything all over again. Like everyday i'll see something and get reminded. But i know you're making me go through this so that i can get numb. And yes i have gotten better cos of this. I don't feel so miserable anymore when i chance upon something familiar. And incidences have happened which clearly tell me that i am loved by you, what more do i need? I can't explain all those incidences here, but i know what i'm feeling. I'll listen to your words and leave everything in your hands. Nobody knows the best for me than you. You closed one door but opened so many other doors. I'm realising everything now. My life is not just normal now but it's better than before. How can i let one small bad incident overpower every other good thing that's happening now? Life's a good balance. There are equal amounts of good and bad stuff that happen in a day. I think it's up to me to decide on which will overpower the other.
I can talk like this forever but i think it's time i tried my words into actions. At the end of the day, i know i love god. I know i love the people around me. And i know the experiences i had which taught me alot of lessons. The relationships i have built with people is what is making me survive today. What i've done to them is what is coming back to me. I'm talking about both good and bad stuff. We cannot escape from karma. What goes around must come around. I'll think twice before i do anything from now on. That's the only way we can do good to others and ourselves.
Well i think now it's time i stopped blogging and went to resume work. I'll be more than happy if all those souls around me feeling as miserable as i used to feel read this and felt better. No matter what, i love you guys. Nothing can beat that. Thank you for always being the sweetest people around (:
Mixed feelings
Friday, August 21, 2009 @ 10:07 PM
Gosh i dont know what im becoming. Its like im going into and out of trance. I can't get hold of myself. One moment im fine and another moment im going haywire. This endless load of work is making everything worse. I thought it'll make me busy enough to shut my mind but its not working. I dont know but i dont like what im feeling now. Gosh i was never like this before. Im becoming a maniac. Before i pull off all my hair i have to do something about this. I lost my drive. I lost my aims. I lost my mind. I suck seriously. I wish my conscience stepped out of me, slapped me and made me normal again. Now i realise. Asking people to have hope that everything will become fine one day are just mere words. Easy to say. Easy to believe in. Fucking hard to hang on there. I don't wanna shut stuff like this inside but i can't do anything else but that.
Gosh i'm starting to dislike myself. I've yet to use the word hate. I dont wanna become some emo freak. I hate to stay at home alone these days. I dont want moments where i stop and stone for so long that i forget everything around me. This can't happen now. When will i ever snap out of this.
Promos in 45 days. Yet to have started on anything. And in the weekdays i cannot do any shit. FML.
Unsaid
Saturday, August 15, 2009 @ 6:48 AM
Okay the more i wanna be consistent in blogging the more im not. Lol. I'll try my best. With school so damn tiring i come home and just fall asleep on weekdays!
Life's been monotonous. Okay it's not bad actually. CCA finally kick started and i can meet my loves more often. We're choreographing Farewell Assembly dance now. Damn fun haha. And Aadiperukku is coming! Woo! That means more sleepless nights! And and WR and EoM drafts. -.- with undone tutorials and tests which are gonna come soon. After that, PROMOS. Time flies, its a good thing actually but PROMOS is nearing.
I think music is the best thing ever. It can affect my mood more than anything else in the world. If i'm sad, it can get me crying. If i'm happy, it can get me super hyper. And i'm one of those idiots on the train who blasts music into my ears that people 2m away from me can still guess the song i'm listening to. Music is what makes my day right in the morning!
That was very random. I think today's gonna be a super random post. I'm like lost in some blank space. I hate the fact how our mind can relate people to things and vice versa cos it can really change your world upside down sometimes. Nowadays i can't stop thinking. As in i just think and think and think about some things too too much that it brings me nowhere. And i end up confused. Confused till i start to blabber stuff to people to make them confused too. If you're one of my victims then i'm sorry lol. I'm going through my life normally now but i'm still stuck in lalaland thinking day and night. And it's crazy how that leads to dreams. Cos that makes me think even more. In conclusion i'm confused. I think i need counselling -.-.
But there's still some light and love beneath all this mess. One person will feel me upon reading this. Tharshini has been going through everything with me. Both of us are on the same boat. And she's one special person to me cos similar things happen in our lives! (cos we have the same birthday?). And we say the same things/do the same things. That's totally cool!
Okay i wanted to type alot more but i realised im on comp for the past 3 hours and havent started on what im supposed to do. Shit. I did a FB note that got me into trouble. But i love those three, they made me feel super touched. Check it out. I'll blog tmr i guess. I hope i dont stay traumatised forever. I love you guys, thanks alot for always being with me and making sure i'm alright! Big big big big hugs!
Infinity
Friday, August 7, 2009 @ 8:31 PM
I have a million things to think about, and to comment about. Lol. I'll be a lazy ass for once and throw all these things away. It'll do me and many others a lot of good.
National day holidays are here! I remember looking forward to this looong weekend like 4 weeks ago when June holidays came to an end. Time flies. So many things happened since then! And Promos will arrive in no time too. 57 days left i guess? And i'm slacking more than how much i slacked in Term 1. That sucks, big time. Procrastinating feels too good. I think Tressa feels me when i say this. Lol.
But there are two souls sitting on my table that make my day every single time i see them! No matter what shit is going on, when i see them, i end up laughing! They are super duper cute. Naraen emos alot though, and doesn't like me. ): I'll get you a hamster ball soon boy. He squeaks whenever i touch him and can see that he's really scared. I hope he gets used to everything soon! After i blog i'll go clean my room and find those two a good spot. Dhurga's coming to my house later!
I wanted to blog about some other interesting stuff but i dont really have time. I'll do it tomorrow or something. I took a few birthday resolutions and one of them is to attend prayers on every Sunday without fail. I'm not gonna say excuses that im tired, i can't wake up and crap anymore. It's time i set some time aside for prayers. Every Sunday i will wake up and go for prayers without fail! If can i'll go on Wednesday nights too.
I saw something yesterday. I don't know how to interpret it. I had a different reaction compared to two others who saw it too. But I think their reaction is reasonable too. I don't know but i gave my word that i'm not in the mess anymore. I'll keep to it. Me pondering about it now, after some time, won't affect anything else except my own view about the whole issue. Well i learnt one extra fact yesterday which i was initially unaware of. It didn't make my impression any better. I'm just gonna stay normal but i'm clear about what extent i can go to. I didn't change. I think it's obvious who did. At the end of the day, i don't have a say anyway. I stepped out of the triangle. Now i have to step out of the whole world full of it.
I still remember the ultra fun days after Olevels. I didnt have anything to think about. Everything was perfect. The only thing i knew was to go out with my buds everyday. And get a job, earn money, and splurge it and feel like shit later. Hahah. I have a lot of hope that these days will return after Alevels too. I'm sure. And even after that i'll remain as clear as i wanna be. No more shit till i'm able to tolerate it, please.
I got reminded of my Dragons. I still remember how we guys came together. During Sec 2, NCO Camp, was when me and Shermain got close. It so happens that during every SJ camp, she's always in the same group as me. And we always sleep beside each other! Qama was already close to me since Sec 1. Then during the end of the year in Sec 2, there was this segment called Fancy Drills for the open house that year. Swiss SJ is the best UG (If you're another UG member, stop denying, we're still the best) in the school, so obviously we were in charge of the event. Lol. Glenda and Alicia Koh were the commanders and we had trials to pick 5 people from the sec 2s to participate in the squad. Then me, Shermain, Dhurga, Faizah and Qama got selected. First step to brotherhood. We came back almost everyday for CCA, First aid Training, and Fancy Drill training during the holidays. That was the time we really really got close. UG Bonds are super strong cos you go through almost everything together. Eat, sleep, do punishment, bathe, sweat, laugh, cry, scold, together. We 5 filled each others lives, seriously.
Then came sec 3, a even nicer year! My squad took over the cca. Most of us got the posts that we wanted and we 5 came to cca without fail to see each other's faces at least! Haha. But seriously i've never had so much passion for something except for SJAB. It was the same for the other four. We went through so much shit to get things done, and in the end we won't even be recognised for it. But none of us cared cos we know that we did the work! And we saw the improvement infront of our eyes. That satisfaction was what mattered to us. Then came AGI, Annual General Inspection, this parade for all the SJ members in Singapore. And my zone was the Guard of Honour for the parade and 5 five were in the condigent. I was the timer :D AGI training was another super big event. We had to go for training at army camps on saturdays and sundays. We used to meet at CCK Macs in the morning at about 6:30 with all our Half U, PT kits and boots and 1.5 Ice mountain water bottles (Only Swiss SJ standardized and uses Ice Mountain 1.5L water bottle for all events and camps!). I remember i bought happy meal every single time and collected all the toys. Zahin used to collect the stickers that came with my meal! Hahaha. Then after training ends we'll get a drink or a donut at Clementi and go home. How can i forget. AGI was super super nice in the end. It rained and we banged in piles of mud and our first U was so damn muddy. But nobody has ever looked as style as us in a parade! THE MP STOPPED AND TALKED TO ME. HAHA.
Then another highlight was Leadership camp that year. It was so damn fun. One morning the officers came to wake us up because we overslept. Everyone else waked when he came except me. Then when i woke everyone around me were in pumping position. I got shocked and panicked and got into pumping position was my feet was slipping away because of the sleeping bag! Ahhhh those four still laugh at me for that! Haha and so many many many more moments. I'll continue sometime later. Now i have to go clean my room. Blogging about my dragons made me better. I miss you guys! Lets meet up soon (:
MY BIRTHDAY!
Thursday, August 6, 2009 @ 6:26 AM
I had my first birthday with the first person i know who has the same birthday as me! THARSHINI! HAPPY BELATED MY DEAR! HAHA. It was so cool to say Happy Birthday! to each other whenever we met in school! Like she said, it's awesome to know that your loved one is your special moment as much as you do (: We rock dear! Hahaha, it's so cool because same things happen to us. Like many major and minor life incidents. Like both of us are maths reps. Both of us are from 4e5. Etc etc etc. WE BOUGHT EACH OTHER BAGS FOR OUR BIRTHDAY. We even bought each other almost the same present. I seriously ALMOST bought the same bag she bought me. Then i changed my mind to another one. And i ALMOST BOUGHT THE SAME BOX that she put the bag in to give it to me. THEN I CHANGED MY MIND AND WRAPPED IT INSTEAD. Next year i promise i'll go with my first instincts Tharsh. We'll see if we buy each other the same thing (: We have the same taste also and that rocks cos she's the first person who has the same taste as i do! We hardly talk but we know each other well and we feel the connection! Hahaha we rock, can't wait to have more birthdays with you :)On 4th of Aug, i met up with my Dragon Brothers after school (: Qamarina swine girl couldn't come though. We went down for SJ first and my dear juniors sang me a birthday song! Then we went off to eat at Alif and i chose my own birthday cake. And it's the coolest cake ever cos it had 4 mini cakes with a cartoon character just like us! I'm ASTROBOY (no idea why), Dhurga's Big bird cos she's gay. Shermain's Doremon cos she looks like one. And Faizah's OBVIOUSLY Dory who's Orange over there. LOL.
Aww. Then we had a big big big dinner at Alif (with the abang taking sooo long to serve us), laughed till everyone stared at us and i cut the cake! With a fork. Hahaha then me and Dhurga smashed the cream on each other's face when Faizah and Shermain had to scream as though we're gonna rape them when we tried to creamify them too. Haha.
Then we laughed like crazy as usual. We went in into Macs to show the manager that we're still alive. Last time we used to go to that Macs every time for dinner after CCA and the guy hates us cos we make alot of noise! Now i bet he's relieved that we passed out! Hahaha.
Gosh they were having NDP parade rehearsal when we went. Two years before we were the Guard of Honour! Damn shiok. I still remember everything so clearly. I was the timer! AND OMG FANCY DRILLS. Ahhhhh. I miss doing footdrills and screaming timing. Life at Swiss was infinity times more fun and exciting than in AJC. Even Olevels wasn't so sian! Oh well.
Thennnn on my birthday! I had two cakes! One from my dearest Tressa, Sharmini, Isabell, Uma and Meiyun. Another one from my dearest AJ TL! Thanks guys! Thanks to everyone who wished me. I couldn't put down my phone. Thank you thank you thank you (:
Oh how can i forget the RED GLITTER. My love Isabell, Tressa and Sharmini poured red glitter all over me that it's still stuck onto my scalp! Ahhh. I was like a pixie shedding glitter everywhere i went! The Ohana, toilet, BIO LAB, and TL room still has glitter patches all over! I came home and when i was bathing I SAW SOAP BUBBLES WITH RED GLITTER FLOATING AWAY. Gosh my room's full of glitter too. MY COMB ALSO. My towel too. THANKS AH GUYS! Professor Utonium is so gay now that he loves his Powerslut girls (:
And i love everyone else who gave me presents and wished me/hugged me/bashed me too! (: Special thanks to GUANGXUE, ERNEST AND VICTOR who bought me two LOVELY HAMSTERS and all the other stuff like bedding, food etc! REALLY REALLY THANK YOU! You guys gave me something that i've been wanting for since like primary 5! Hahaha! AND THE HAMSTERS ARE SO DAMN CUTE!
I'll upload more pictures soon (: They are super freaking adorable ! And thanks to Ernest, the Hamster-Guru for patiently teaching me everything that i need to know (: So exciting! I have a male and female one AND I THINK THE FEMALE'S PREGNANT! I'll need to separate them real soon! And thanks thanks thanks Guang for initiating this and getting me Hams, nobody can cheer me up like you do! I LOVE YOU GUYS TOO! THANK YOU (:
Thanks guys! I had an awesome seventeeth :)
Goodness but i have to keep to the promises i made to myself. I almost slipped back just now. Shouldn't let that happen anymore. It's fucking hard but i'll try my best. Hope everything ends up fine. Now i need to go finalise the names for my Hams (:
Labels: birthday
